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Monday, March 21, 2011

Day 57 Betrayal

In every person’s life as a child, there comes  a day when we discover that our parents lied to us. It is usually not a very big lie, but these parents who we trusted completely and believed every single thing they said and did and we even attempted to imitate them thinking that they knew what they were doing and were experts on how to live life in the best possible way, we catch them in a lie. It might be simply that there is no Santa Claus, it might be that we see them doing some act of selfishness at our expense. It might be one of those do as I say not as I do events. It might be overhearing our parents talking trash about us in the heat of an argument saying things they don’t really mean. But in every child’s life there comes a moment when that child realizes that her parents have lied to her. And this feels like the ultimate betrayal. It is usually the first time we are betrayed by anyone we truly loved. 
So it depends on how that child handles that betrayal that can color their whole life experience. Most of us suddenly realize that our parents are not gods. We may realize that our parents are struggling and suffering and not having a very good time here after all. We may realize that our parents do not know everything after all and so we change how we see them and they become human beings instead of gods and we learn to rely on our own selves from that point on. This is that moment in a young teen’s life when she stops confiding in her parents, when she starts making her own decisions, when she would rather choose for herself than rely on her now human parents to make choices for her anymore. This is normal and healthy. 
But there are some kids who are so traumatized by the idea that their parents would actually lie to them,  that they never got over it. They feel such a sense of betrayal that they cannot forgive their parents for being human. It becomes blown out of proportion in the child’s mind and there is no one around to seek counseling from, to explain this betrayal is just a human being- being human. 
And, instead of going through what most of us go through and learning at this time of childhood that it is better to make our own way than to rely on other humans to do it for us, this person has not recovered from this natural point in every child’s life when they catch the ones they trust doing untrustworthy things. She did not reach that decision to create her own life the best she could and instead just rejected her parents as defective and she is still thinking that there are gods in the world who can run her life for her and not betray her. So time and time again she trusts in someone and makes them the parent god for her life and tine and time again they betray her. It is a broken record. 
What she needs to do is take responsibility for her own life, just like that teenage girl who decided it is better to make her own decisions for her own life, no matter how bad or mistaken they may be, rather than to let any other human being run her life for her. We learn by experience how to make better and better choices as we go along. But this person has not even picked up the baton and tried to make her own choices. She has spent her life looking for someone else to make her choices for her. I would encourage her to stand in her power now and begin to create her own life for herself rather than looking for another parent figure god. There are no gods in this world. There is no one else here who would know how to live her life in the best way. Only she can determine that and create that for herself.
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